Halo Spoofs
by IcyDemon7654
Summary: A parody of the Halo Trilogy, hope you enjoy! Please comment!


"Hey, Roger?" Thumper said to Roger. Roger looks back at him and says, "Yeah?" Thumper looked at him and asked, "Do you ever wonder why we're here?" Roger replies, "To get our ass kicked by a bunch of dumb aliens? I don't know why the hell we're here, if you're wondering why we're here go ask Echo, he's our leader, so he should know why the hell we're here." Thumper then turns towards the scenary and said, "...this...is...BBBBOOOORRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG!"

Just then, Echo walks up and said, "Hey, you two, quit goofing off and get back to work". Roger looks at Echo and replies, "haven't you heard? I have a new rule". Echo sighs deeply and says, "Yeah? What is it?" Roger proudly says, "My new rule is that I can never work between 12 am to 11:59 pm!" Echo slaps his face with his own hand and says, "Just get back to work". Thumper then quickly jumped into the conversation and said, "Hey Echo? Why are we here?" Echo looks back at Thumper and said, "I have no idea, now get back to work". Echo then walks away with only more questions left in Thumper's mind.

Thumper took out his binoculars and put them against his Mark VI helmet and notices a wave of covenant troops coming this way. Thumper turned to Roger and said nervously, "The covenant are attacking! Alert Echo!" Roger only yawns and says, "Sorry, no can do, I'm following my newly made up rule". Thumper then replied, "THERE'S NO TIME FOR THAT STUPID RULE! JUST ALERT ECHO ABOUT THE COVENANT ATTACKING US!"

Roger only shook his head and ran towards Echo. Thumper, panicking, said to himself, "I gotta do this! I gotta prove myself, all I need is a gun...hmmmm..." Thumper started to look around for a gun, but couldn't find one. Thumper quickly panicked and screamed, "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Meanwhile, Roger knocks on Echo's door...

Echo comes out and replies, "Yeah? What do you want?" Roger, gasping for air, replies, "Echo, we got a covenant wave approaching us, only 10 grunts and 2 elites, nothing that we can't handle". Echo then looks towards Thumper's location and said, "Well, if it's not a hard thing to do, why is Thumper screaming 'we're all gonna die' over and over again?" Roger turned back towards Thumper to see him screaming "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Roger then turned back to Echo and said, "I think he needs a weapon". Echo only nodded his head and grabbed a Battle Rifle from the armoury.

As Roger and Echo approach Thumper, Thumper turns to them and screams, "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEE!". Roger then slaps him across the face and said, "stop yelling that over and over again, it's getting annoying!" Thumper, rubbing his cheek replied, "Well, I would scream when there's a wave of covenant attacking us and you have NO, I repeat, NO weapons at your disposal!"

Roger, reminded about his task, said, "Oh, I almost forgot" Roger said while scratching his back "I brought this for you". Roger hands Thumper a battle rifle. Thumper then says, "yeah! Bring it stupid aliens!" After he said that, one of the grunts started crying while another one replied, "HEY! HE MADE TEDDY CRY! LET'S RAPE HIM AFTER WE KILL HIM!"

Thumper, nervous, turns towards Roger and Echo and says, "umm, you guys would help me if that happens right?" Roger then replies, "Later sucker!" Echo then says, "Uhhh, I think I left my refrigerator running, I'd better go check" Echo then speeds off into the distance. Thumper turned back to see the grunts swarming around him. He closes his eyes and starts firing his battle rifle crazily, getting headshots on all the grunts. Thumper then opened his eyes to see all the grunts dead with bullets in their brains. Thumper puts his arms up screaming, "YAY! I DID IT!" Then Thumper, after remembering something, said, "Oh yeah...those two elites..." As soon as he finished his sentence, the two elites appeared behind him with energy swords. Thumper said, "eh...heh heh...you know I wasn't really planning to shoot those grunts...and it was all just an accident that a simple "sorry" can fix right? :D" The two elites shook their heads.

Meanwhile, while Thumper was having difficulties fighting the elites, Roger and Echo were chilling in Echo's room. Roger turned to Echo and said, "You know, I feel kind of bad because we left Thumper there with 10 grunts and 2 elites". Echo only laughed and said, "He's a rookie, he'll get used to the fighting sometime, it's not like the elites are actually interested in raping Thumper and then stabbing him with two energy swords! It's like Thumper knocking on the window behind me screaming HELP HELP! THE ALIENS WANT TO RAPE ME! THEN KILL ME! Heh...but we both know that's never going to happen!"

Roger looked outside the window to see Thumper screaming "HELP HELP! THE ALIENS WANT TO RAPE ME! THEN KILL ME!" Roger then turned back to Echo and said, "Uhhh...sorry to burst your bubble Echo, but that's actually happening outside your window this very second". Echo turned towards the window to see Thumper screaming for help. Echo then grabbed his shotgun and said, "I'll handle this, wait here". As soon as Echo closes the door, Roger heard Echo scream, "YOU MOTHERFUCKERS WILL GO TO HELL!"

Echo then pulled the trigger of the shotgun to only see confetti come out. Echo then remembered, "Oh yeah...I filled my shotgun with confetti bullets for General Alpha's birthday...shit..." Roger then turned towards the window to see Thumper and Echo screaming for help. Roger shook his head and said, "Heh, idiots!" Roger grabbed an assault rifle and head through the door. He screamed, "You guys called for reinforcements?" The two elites looked at each other, then charged at Roger with their energy swords ready. Roger ran towards them, slid under their legs, got up and emptied the Assault Rifle's ammo into the elite's backs. He then watched them bleed to death, humping the ground like a fish out of water.

Roger turned towards Echo and Thumper and said, "You guys owe me BIG time!" Thumper and Echo said, "We are NOT going to get you over 9000 hookers!" Roger then said, "damn it!" Thumper turned towards his post and said, "Yo guys, I'm gonna go back to my post, call me when you need me" As soon as Thumper left, Roger yelled, "YOU'RE WEAK! YOU PROBABLY NEED A TEDDYBEAR OR SOMETHING TO KEEP YOU COMPANY!" Thumper then replied, "SHUT UP!" Roger turned to Echo and said, "I just had to say that...lol..." Echo then heard the phone ringing. As he answered it, he hung up and turned back towards Roger and said, "Well, pack your bags, we're going to Germany!"

Roger's jay dropped to the floor and said, "WWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTT?11eleventy one 1!" Roger runs towards Thumper, who was watching the area and said, "DUDE! WE'RE GOING TO GERMANY!" Thumper shouts, "WOOHOO! I ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO GERMANY!" Echo then went to them and said, "It's not on a vacation, they're being invaded by a grunt army...and are losing!" Thumper said, "heh, what a bunch of wimps!" Roger turned to him and said, "Coming from the guy who was about to get RAPED by 10 grunts and shouted for his mommy and teddy bear!" Thumper angrily shouted, "SHUT UP!"

After they packed their bags, Roger turned to Thumper and said, "hey...did you bring enough pacifiers and diapers to keep you satisfied until we reach Germany?" Thumper replied angrily, "NO! SHUT UP ABOUT THAT ALREADY! THAT'S SOOOOO OLD!" Roger laughs and replied, "No you!" Echo shouted, "BREAK IT UP YOU TWO! I don't want to listen to this shit on the way over to Germany! Now here's the plan...we're going on warthog, pelican, warthog, maybe a couple of roller coasters, 3 kangaroos and maybe a bird the size of the empire state building!"

As Roger and Thumper turned to Echo in shock, Thumper asked, "where in the hell are we going to find a bird the size of the empire state building?" Echo only chuckled and said, "Don't worry, I heard there were a lot of them at your mom's house!" Thumper shouted, "WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE MOM JOKES AND GAY WEIRD JOKES WITH ME? CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDLY FOR ONCE?" Roger replied, "heh, no! Remember my 15th policy? I am never friendly with noobies, except for girl noobies!" Thumper cried, "I hate you guys..." Roger laughed and said, "I love you too...NO HOMO!"

Echo packed his bags into the trunk compartment of his custom made warthog. He then turned to Roger and Thumper and shouted, "GUYS! GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE AND DUMP YOUR BAGS HERE!" Roger turned to Thumper and said, "I think we're going to need more room...we need to fit at least 5 clean diapers in the trunk!" Thumper slapped the back of Roger's head and said, "Jack ass"

After their bags were packed, Roger and Thumper got on the warthog. Echo shouted, "next stop...Germany!" As they raced off into the sunset, Roger kicked Thumper off for fun. Thumper screamed as they were driving away, "HEY GUYS! WAIT FOR MEEEE!"

The End


End file.
